Dakheelak Shoo Zalameh

Every day society finds more ways to appall me about the treatment of women…

Enormous idea which can easily handle a blog on its own, so let me write about one small thing now, maybe more later.

More than once I’d be walking down some street, when I’d see some guy “conversing” with his girlfriend on mobile. The shouts, curses, verbal abuse is blood-curdling (the flailing of his arms give you the mental image that he’s pulling the girl from the hair and bashing her face first to an adjacent wall). Usually the girl has no idea what she did wrong.

As usual, media reflects/perpetrates this behavior, with popular Arab movies showing “cool” guys as lacking sympathy, and regularly abusive to their passive girlfriends.

I would like to point to a much more dangerous mentality however, one found among the non-abusers. It goes like this:

Nice guy meets girl. Nice guy and girl are friends. Nice guy has a crush on the girl. Girl doesn’t notice nice guy and finds an abusive boyfriend. Nice guy concludes that being nice to a girl will get you nowhere.

Basically, the saying goes: “Being caring and understanding will get you a close friendship, being an asshole will get you in her heart”

Let the debunking begin:

1-Being nice doesn’t mean anything on its own:  Dude, just because you listened and nodded to her endless yapping you think she’s gonna go head over heels for you? What about other attractive qualities? Which brings me to…

2- Most guys seem to rely on “nice” when there’s nothing else going for them: I admit, team “nice” is filled with losers, retards, shy people, socially challenged…etc. Girls can sense that. If you are being caring  out of necessity and not out of choice, you’re probably gonna get stuck in the friend zone.

It’s when these people decide to act on their deductive logic and suddenly turn into abusers that their social life usually goes down the drain

All around me I see the “Zalameh” the guy who crushes the girl and the “7abbab” the guy who she calls and cries to. Where the hell is the third type?

The type that can make a girl proud to lock arms with in public. Who has an inspiring personality, is wise and friendly. Who can be understanding of a woman’s emotions, and can spoil and treat her like a queen, while still maintaining control of the relationship.

Those guys are so rare, that girls tend to hold on to them tooth and nail.

BTW, girls are the only way to curb the asshole population. You see guys usually act like this because they know they can get away with it, and with the limited chain of suitors the Arab girl gets (ethnic and religious lines, trouble meeting people) they usually do. But if the Arab girls decide to build a front, to prove that this kind of treatment would not be tolerated, type three would get a steady number of new recruits.

So girls, get to it! We’re counting on you…

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9 Comments on “Dakheelak Shoo Zalameh”

  1. Da_aZ Says:

    Ok.. we need to talk, cuz no way in hell I can respond to this online. When are you free to fly to Washington DC and discuss this further with me?

    • seleucid Says:

      Well the Iceland volcanic dust cloud and the fact that I don’t have enough for a ride to Homs kinda put that trip in the “maybe” category 🙂
      At least give me an excerpt online, a sneak preview

  2. w43L Says:

    so man, what is it with you and socially challenged people?
    sho 3mlolak?
    trekon b7alon ya akhee…

    • seleucid Says:

      I love how you defined socially challenged on twitter 😀

      I have no problem with them (Some of my best friends are socially challenged lol). But girls don’t seem to give them much attention, take your beef to them.

  3. علوش Says:

    You know, we have a gender issue here, and this problem is not by males only, as you said it’s cause of females too.

    I met many females they desire to be treated so harsh, they like it, it’s a type of masochism, you can find that in men too.

    Anyway, as I see it’s always + meet -, so if you are nice, I believe your girl would be more aggressive than you.

    Once a friend told me, she likes bad boys, she is so nice and calm, her theory is, she likes them because she feels she is in a mission to fix them, it’s like she is trying to find a meaning in her life by settling her man down.

    Same for men, you see many nice guys chose chaotic aggressive girls, they think she has what they miss, they try to fix her, and she tries to fix him.

    Like he wants to make her settle down more, and take care of her health, and all she wants is to push him more into the world and be a little more aggressive, cause each one thinks he is living a world trying to invite the other to taste it!.

    Anyway, love is so weird and its reaction never been in rules, all that we mentioned can be dismissed once any one finds his true other half.

    yet your points deserve a longer discussion.

    • seleucid Says:

      A girl can never enjoy abuse, it’s like a kid who says he enjoys getting kicked around by dad. I’ve heard the claims, and masochism is by no means a satisfactory explanation.

      In my opinion those girls seemed to have confused “abusive” with “having character, control” which are very seductive qualities for a woman. You see she can like your “shakhsieh” even though you abuse, she might even get convinced that she likes it, but no woman can ever enjoy feeling abused (the Arab world must get this ba2a)

      Your friend doesn’t seem to be in a mature relationship either. She seems to be approaching them through a mother instinct, and that never ends well (she’s never gonna “fix” him, and it’s gonna break her)

      You can’t decide what type to love, you can fall in love with an abusive man just as easily as you can with a mama’s boy. What we’re trying to discuss here is a new social system, starting from females, in which a guy who does any sort of abuse to his significant other would be so ostracized and frowned upon in his community that he wouldn’t ever do it again.

      This is of course a utopian ending to a current community where the guy can do any shit he wants, in front of anybody, and no one even cares enough to say a word.

      • علوش Says:

        يا صديقي تأكد إني معك مليار بالمئة، ذكورية المجتمع تقتلني لا بل تخنقني، وما يميتني نسب ذكورية المجتمع إلى الدين!!، بمعنى توليف الدين على كيف ظلال الله على الأرض!.

        نظرية حلال على الذكر و حرام على الأنثى والصبي ما بعيبو شي بحس نص أمراضنا الاجتماعية منها.

        غياب الاحترام و الجندرية متشربة في المجتمع.

        على كل أعتقد أننا لو فتحنا نقاش بمليون تعليق لن نفهم المرأة فما بالك بالمرأة العربية.

        تحياتي لك.

  4. Solange ici Says:

    Entre amis, qui controle la relation? isn’t friendship the fundamental base for a relationship? a

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